I do not cry at weddings. I didn’t cry at my own wedding. In fact, I rarely cry at all. In November 2022 we attended the wedding of a dear college friend and to my surprise I found myself in tears. Twice.

First, I cried during the prayers. The ceremony was a beautiful Catholic service in a lovely church. The bride truly looked as though she had been plucked from the pages of a storybook; a real life princess. It was not the beauty of the bride, or the venue, or even the words in the prayers that moved me to tears. It was the fact that the prayers were all spoken in English and then again in Vietnamese. The entire ceremony was done bilingually. I heard God’s people praying and singing aloud in different languages. What a tiny, beautiful glimpse of heaven, I thought. And then I cried.

And then during the vows, I cried again. I am in my thirties and more of my friends are married than single. I have been to dozens of weddings. I have never cried during the vow exchange. This time, though, when the groom promised to love the bride “in sickness and in health” I felt my chest get warm, a tingling in my face, and tears welling in my eyes. “Do they know what they’re saying?” I thought. “Do they actually know the weight of that specific commitment?” I hoped they did.

I have been married for nearly seven years. Our wedding was a month before my twenty-fifth birthday. For me, sickness and health was one of the easiest vows to make. Better or worse? Gosh, who knows what the future holds. I guess things could get hard one day. But, I do. For richer or poorer? Man, I hope we’ll become richer the older we get. But if that changes I know we could live in a one bedroom apartment forever and still choose each other. So, I do. In sickness and in health? Sure, yes, obviously. We will grow old together and one day be responsible for caring for each other. But that was a lifetime away! We were 24 and 26 years hold. Health? A breeze.

Thankfully, my husband and I have largely remained healthy. There was the time he got shingles (in his twenties!). Then the time I had postpartum depression after the birth of our first son. The time we both got poison ivy because we chose to visit Mexico during a hurricane and were forced to walk through half a mile of downed branches and to get to the restaurant the next morning (a decision I stand by). We made it through the pandemic, for the most part, unscathed.

But reader, what we did not know when we took our vows is that our own health was a fraction of the equation.

In 2019 we welcomed our first child. A tad early, but not premature (by a few hours) and altogether a beautiful, healthy baby boy. A few months later our sweet son was in the PICU fighting for his life, unable to eat or breathe on his own due to RSV. Sickness. It was heart wrenching. We leaned on each other. A light shadow of what was to come.

In 2020 I was pregnant again! A couple hiccups during the pregnancy, but by all key measures, healthy.

Around 5 months into the pregnancy we learned my dad was sick. A few weeks later we learned he was terminally ill. Sickness.

And then, at 7 months pregnant, I delivered our second child. Another baby boy. This time, not healthy. Sickness. He spent 2 months in the NICU. Constant testing, monitoring, multiple procedures and a serious surgery. Even. More. Sickness.

We lost my dad while our son was in the NICU.

Perhaps some day I will share more details about that time. For today, I want to bring our conversation back to where we started. Wedding vows. In sickness and in health.

My husband is the picture of honoring our vows.

During that same short time of my second pregnancy, my sister was also engaged to be married. When we learned how little time we had left with my dad she cancelled her wedding and opted for a small backyard ceremony only 3 weeks out.

My sister and I FaceTimed my husband from the car as we left the hospital. She asked him if he would find a way to perform her wedding ceremony. Without hesitation, he said yes. He became legally ordained. We never made it to her wedding (premature delivery and all) but I will never forget the new love I had for him when he said, “of course, I would be honored, if you’re sure.”

Six weeks after her wedding my husband gave the eulogy at my dad’s funeral. During the funeral, I was only halfway present because I was awaiting a call from our son’s surgeon. Sickness.

Friends, that is love. That is honoring your vows and your spouse. That is, for us, in sickness and in health. I am so grateful to be married to him. I am so grateful he meant what he said when he promised forever, in sickness and in health.

I hope your lives and your marriages are filled with no more illness than the occasional cold or flu or tropical poison ivy rash until you grow old together, reminiscent of The Notebook.

But if you find yourselves anywhere near situations like ours, I pray that you still choose each other. I pray you seek the Lord. I pray you know you are not alone. I pray you’ll call me.

Love,

SB