We’ve all heard this phrase. Someone asks an expectant parent if they’re hoping for a boy or a girl. Maybe they have a preference but they don’t want to share, or maybe they really don’t. So they say something along the lines of, “we don’t care, as long as they’re healthy!”

Admittedly, I experienced some gender disappointment. I really thought I would have girls, but God gave me two rowdy, funny, messy little boys and they are the joys of my life. But gender disappointment was nothing compared to the disappointment I felt when I learned my second baby wouldn’t be born healthy. He wouldn’t be able to do the most basic life skills on his own. He needed a machine to breathe and a tube to eat.

Disappointment comes when the reality of our circumstances doesn’t align with our expectations. There was no reason for us to expect our baby wouldn’t be born healthy. Disappointment feels like the most mild word to use. Shock. Fear. Anxiety. Panic. Powerlessness. Frustration. Confusion. These words are more accurate.

So, what’s the point of this? We all hope for healthy children. For some of us though, that just isn’t the case. If you find yourself in any kind of relationship with someone in this situation, my encouragement to you is to show up for your people. Maybe they knew early in the pregnancy that their baby would face health difficulties, or maybe like me, they were completely caught by surprise. Sit with them while they grieve the disappointment of what they hoped their journey would look like. And if you, reader, are the one in this situation… Oh I would hug you and tell you you are not alone. There are many of us out here and there is support for you. The road may be long, but I’m in your corner.

Love, SB